Cell Phones And The Jerks That Abuse Them

Cell phones are a wonderful invention. You have the ability to talk to anyone, anywhere at anytime, but don't abuse it. I don't really give two shits about who talks to who when, but it's the people that try to make their personal business everyone else's. For example - people who use their phones in stores. Great, wonderful. Call your husband or wife or whoever and conversate if you want to. I'm cool. But when your voice gets all super loud and high pitched, you're basically begging for attention. You'd get better results from flashing everyone.

No one wants to hear you conducting personal affairs or business while they're shopping, eating, or trying to use the restroom. It's really rude to force your conversation onto someone who doesn't want it.

I gotta say, it's probably my biggest pet peeve next to unnecessary rudeness. As a cashier, it usually doesn't take long for someone to purchase their stuff through my line. I'm a pretty quick cashier, but most places in retail force us to have conversations with our customers. Someone is always offering a rewards card, a credit card, a savings card, a spend-a-lot-of-money-but-you-won't-get-shit-card. Whatever. In order for me to do that, I need to talk to you. So if you're going on about your plans, your life, your whatever - I can't do my job. If I can't do my job, you're out of a cashier. If there are no cashiers, you have no place to shop. I exaggerate, but you get the idea.

If you do have have a savings card, a coupon or whatever - I can't ask you for it because you're on the phone. This is my way of being a bitch, I suppose, but my mother raised me with manners. I refuse to talk over your conversation. If you can't give me the courtesy of shutting up for the 5 minutes it takes for you to get out of my line, I'm not going to give you the courtesy to say hello, ask you for anything, give you your total, or to tell you to have a good day. I'll just smile, bag your shit, take your money and move you on.

Then there's the people that are just begging for you to interrupt them. The ones that just have to be the center of every one's attention. You'll know them as soon as you see them. They're there, chatting away in a voice that my deaf grandmother could hear from China and you almost feel.. compelled to interrupt them. It's like they're begging for it. They're my favorites. I will purposely be loud, and ask them all the questions I'm supposed to - just for the taste of sweet revenge. I know, it's petty, but hey; I have no shame. Then the kicker - THEY give YOU this... look. Like they could just burn you where you stand for interrupting THEIR conversation on YOUR time. I just die inside with giddy anticipation, waiting; hoping for them to say something.

I've heard all the excuses, and anyone who works in this line of business probably has as well. Anything from, "it's important" to "it's work" to whatever excuse you've got to come up with. Lamest excuse? "It's my brother and he'll just whiiiiiiine if I don't take his call." What? Is he 4?

I have no problem putting people on hold. It's really as simple as saying, "Can you hold on a second while I check out?". Ask them to wait, tell them you're in the check out line, and I'm pretty sure they'll understand. I've never had someone tell me, NO. CAN'T WAIT. MUST TALK NOW ABOUT SHITTY LIFE. When you're holding up my line, wasting my time and those behind you because you can't focus long enough to write a check, find your card or dig out your money, you're being rude to me and everyone else.

Also, for those of you that like to use your phones while on speakerphone; I hate you most of all. You selfish, conceited bastards. Not only are you forcing us to partake/listen to your conversation - you're making us hear both sides of it.

Between the louder then hell laughing, the static, the cutting out, and the garbled warbling coming from the phone itself, I'm not sure which is worse. At least when I have to listen to one side, I can make up my own amusing answers in my head to make you seem like the worlds biggest douche bag. Now that you're using the speaker phone, I have to listen to your enabling side kick from across town and can't form my own snarky bullshit lines. Jerks.

We, as a society, have lost the ability to communicate and respect those around us thanks to technology. Don't get me wrong, if it wasn't for technology, I wouldn't be able to blather on right now. But there is a time and a place for it. There is a decibel level that you should respect. There are some things people really don't want or need to know.

I read somewhere that we have lost our ability to communicate with each other on a personal level thanks to technology. Everyone is texting, tweeting, facebooking. Which is perfectly fine. I do all that. I just don't do it on someone else's time. Shopping, eating - that's my time. When someone is paid to put up with me - that is not. We should all have a little more respect for someone and their job when we're out in public. Whether it's cell phones, lap tops, or just chatting with whoever we're with.

Which brings up another point I'd like to make that bothers me, but not as much as cell phones. If you're out with someone, please don't act like we (those in the service industry) don't exist. That is also rude. It's our job to put up with it, yes. We get paid to, (and most people think we should) just shut up and deal with it. However, you wouldn't go to a doctor's appointment and then sit there and chat with someone while your doctor is trying to do his job. OK, maybe that was a bad analogy, but you get the point. Have some common courtesy and respect. Use a brain cell once in a while.

Apparently I'm not the only one that has this issue with cell phone usage. While writing this, I decided to do a little research on the annoyance of cell phones and their uses. Almost every single article I've read, the one thing that stood out more then others was the level in which people spoke while on cell phones, and/or speakerphone usage. So before you all start getting huffy - take some time to see how everyone else feels about it. If you don't care, then continue to use your cell phones in public. Just don't get pissy when people give you a death stare for being rude and inconsiderate.

Toodles, doodles!

When Yoga Pants Happen To Big People ( and other things too.)

OK, the only thing separating yoga pants from spandex is that they're not as form fitting in some spots, and by that I mean your cankles aren't showing. Seriously, big people - why do you think this is appropriate?! Don't get offended, I'm a "big person" too. There is no way on God's green earth that I would squeeze my ass into a second skin.

Look, dimples are cute and all, but not on your ass. Not when there are as many dimples on your butt as there are stars in the sky. Go on, be big. Be beautiful, be happy, be whatever you wanna be - but leave something to the imagination. Confidence, as they say, is your best accessory. Which is true, especially for girls or guys considered plus sized. We need that confidence to compete with people who are beautiful by society's comparisons. Which, by the way society - fuck you. I'm beautiful, awesome, smart and a big girl. So fuck your rules and size double 0 supermodels.

However, my confidence isn't so massive that I think I can do things I know I can't and most importantly - shouldn't. I can not justify myself fitting into shit 2 sizes to small, then thinking my muffin top/dimple bottom is hot shit. When someone can't tell if I've got a wedgie or I'm not wearing underwear, there's a problem.

This chick, shopping with her boyfriend tonight. Dear Lord. I wanted to suggest a skirt to go with her leggings when I realized they were NOT leggings at all but pants. Tight ass yoga pants. For that matter, what the hell is the difference between yoga pants and leggings?! At this rate, they're the same because no one knows how to wear them.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep the yoga pants for the gym and the leggings under clothes that hide your camel toe and underwear. If a fart has to travel in a bubble, looking like a gerbil scurrying down your leg before being released, your pants are to damn tight. Skip the spandex. I know the 80's are back in style, but some things should be left in the closet and if you're big, dress appropriately.

For the love of God, think of the children.

All in all, yoga pants are not something anyone should be wearing out in public unless you're in the gym. When a dude can see your goodies from 2 blocks away - you're kinda giving yourself away at that point. If I can see your uterus, there is a problem.

Excuse me Miss, I think your butthole is showing.

You will be objectified, you've exploited yourself. So you can't be going and getting all bent out of shape because someone notices or makes a comment. It's not just yoga pants either.

This goes for you as well, big people.

Girls with a little extra cushion in the middle - skip the belly shirts. Unless you're pregnant or Buddha, no one really wants to see that. I'm not trying to offend anyone out there, I'm trying to give you a heads up. Use a mirror. Check yourself out. Imagine that you're going to an interview, or your grandmother's house. Would you really dress like that?

Stop this shit right now. 

Also, skinny people. Stop saying you're fat. If you're smaller then a size 14 - fuck your fat bullshit. Don't be wandering around telling people you're fat. You're either fishing for compliments or you're seriously whacked out in the head. I hate that shit. Grabbing what little bit of belly you have when you sit down, and wiggling it like I'm supposed to agree will get you slapped upside your dumb ass dome. I refuse to acknowledge that you're fat. You're supposed to have fat on your body. IT'S NATURAL. You're not supposed to look like a twig. Nobody wants to fuck a bag of bones. Eat a sandwich.

Unless you're one of those high metabolism type people and can't help it, I don't want to hear you wailing about how fat you are when I'm busting my ass to lose weight. It's discouraging to anyone trying to get into shape, because now we think we'll never be good enough no matter what we do.


Rant. End.

Choosing the Child-Free life.

I actually wrote a different blog for this initially, but then I realized it didn't completely convey the message I was trying to bring across - which in itself isn't what I was supposed to write. Plus the cat and dog hit the kill switch to the computer and I had to start over.

So, lets get to something that might piss a lot of mommies (and daddies) off. The reasons why I don't and won't have kids, and why it's unfair to just birth the little minions for the sake of society and it's bullshit expectations.

I have chosen (and apparently my body has too,) to not have children. That doesn't mean that I don't like kids, or love kids. It just means I don't want any of my own. The choice is mine and mine alone. However, I consistently get asked:

"When are you going to start your family?"

"You're getting older, you should start thinking about kids."

Blah, blah, fucking blah. There are reasons that I don't have children. I am definitely not a good role model. I will not let my children back talk me or treat other's like shit without repercussions. I don't have time for them. I'm selfish. I can barely take care of myself. I have a life that I enjoy. I like to read. I love silence, it means that I can actually think. I like to travel. I don't want little replicas of me running around, I'm horrible enough.  My ovaries went on strike.

No, seriously. They really did. So it actually works out pretty well.

There are many pros and cons to having kids. People have told me, "You're going to regret not having children one day. It's such a blessing." So is getting up and taking a crap without little hands under the door and someone shouting, "MOMMY!" a million times a day. In all honesty, I'm not saying being a parent is shameful, or unfulfilling in any way. I get that having kids has it's good times. But to me the difficulties outweigh the benefits.

There's doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, kids get sick. They want things. Expensive things, and some of them they need. I just can not mentally, emotionally or physically keep up with the demands that children bring on people. I can not justify having children to appease societies demands. We're over populated as is, and most people do not parent properly. I see it every day in my job. Kids whining and having fits, throwing things, cursing at age 5. (I see you pointing fingers. I was a perfect angel of a child. I grew up in the 80's. My parents would have killed me if I acted like today's generation.)

I have nieces and nephews aplenty, and I love them dearly. They are beautiful, smart, well behaved children that I would give my life for if needed., but the best part is I can give them back and the responsibilities are off my shoulders. I can have my "mommy" fix, and my cake too. Call me selfish, I already did.

But what happens if I lose my job? If I can't support my kid? If I can't feed them or give them a roof over their heads? I could go on welfare, or I could give them up for adoption. But how many kids out there already don't have homes? How many people in this country are on welfare? As is, I already make below poverty level of income, so bringing another life into this world isn't exactly worth it to me. This world is pretty shitty as is.

Then there's work. Work is pretty demanding. It's practically a forced issue. Everyone works, unless you're a millionaire or lazy. You have to show up, you have to do your job. I can't imagine the amount of extra stress on top of what I already have. You have to find babysitters, you have to pay extra money for them, and depending on what you do or where you work, you either have to plan your job around your kids, or your kids around your job. Hell no. Which points me to the reason why I was asked to write this in the first place.

Parents who use their kids as a scapegoat/excuse.

Not everyone does it, let me be clear on that, but there are some that do. I feel as if those of us who choose to not have children are ostracized by our friends and family, people we don't know, and exploited because we don't have "families" of our own by our employers. Excuse me, but just because my family isn't in diapers or 4 feet tall, doesn't mean I don't have  a family. I have plenty of family, and I miss all sorts of things that go on because I have to put in extra effort at work to cover for those that have to take specific time off on a consistent basis.

This is the part where I will get crap. Let me explain what I mean above. Of course children come first before a job. If I had one (or 20), my employers could kiss the crack in my pants if they made me miss out on important milestones or things that are necessary. However, there are a few people out there that like to use their kids as an excuse for everything. EV-ER-Y-THING.

Getting every weekend off, when no one works a set schedule. (This would be my job, I'm speaking of. Most people have a set schedule.) Having every holiday off, just because you have kids. I had a co-worker that said, in my hearing to another:

"I think those that don't have kids, don't have families, should be forced to work on holidays. I mean, they have nothing better to do."

Whoa there. Slow your pony. I have better things to do then work. They just don't pay the bills. I have a life outside of my job. I have family. I have friends. Hell, I have a dog. These are all very important to me. I'd rather be with them, just like you. Unfortunately, they don't pay the rent or the grocery bill. No, just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that I should have to work every single holiday.

There's a woman I work with that whines because she doesn't get every weekend off with her kids. She'll come up with some stupid ass excuse each week to request time off. Which is hilarious because she's in the workplace every single day she's off. So the rest of us have to pick up her hours and work her scheduled days because she whines each time she doesn't get a day off with her kids. They're teenagers, by the way. They have better things to do then hang out with mommy all weekend. This is what I mean by people who use children as an excuse.

In this world, it's expected for women to want to have children and to have them. Those of us that don't fit the norm, have a heavy burden on our shoulders. I think being responsible and weighing the options before going out and creating a child is a mature and reasonable thing to do. Of course you're going to want to have the time and the money to raise a child, and as the adage goes, "if you wait to be rich enough to have children, you'll never have them." Then there's the 'finding the right partner' thing. What if the person you're with isn't ready? What if they're not mature enough? Responsible enough? What if they don't want kids?

Some of the things we, the child-free choice people hear, and the responses to those undying, burning questions:

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"

Now how selfish is that? To procreate for the sake of someone taking care of you when you're old and gray. Who says I won't be capable? I might not be, but there is a whole slew of people out there called health care workers, who's job it is to care for those as they get older. Children grow up, get educations, have jobs, families of their own if they chose, and for the most part some put their parents away in homes and rarely see them because they don't have time.

I once spent a Thanksgiving with a church group of mine at an old folks home. It was heartbreaking. There was this lovely older lady that was very sweet. At the time I didn't know that she had dementia or Alzheimer's. Whichever one, I can't recall correctly. Anyways. She sat at the window most of the evening watching the street. One of the caretakers came to collect her for bed, and the poor thing cried and cried and cried. Her son was coming, he was just late. He was coming back for her, because they were going shopping. I could hear her wailing the whole way to her room that she had to wait for him. Later, we were all told that her son had dropped her off years prior, and had never come back. She couldn't remember her name most days, but she always sat at the same window each night and did the same thing. She remembered her son telling her that he would come back for her, and never did.

How sad is that? What an ungrateful child. She brought him into this world, and he could not bother to even care what happened to her. Or that, through her hardships, she still remembered him. That was probably the starting seed that led me to being child free.

"What if you regret not having children?"

What if I regret that I do when the burden gets to be to much for me? There are lots of things I've regretted in my life, like never sneaking out that one night in high school to hang out and party. That concert that I never attended. Never finishing high school. Never taking that promotion. Things like that. But everything happens for a reason right? I'll never have to change a diaper. I'll never have to work three jobs like my mom did to make ends meet. I'll never have to worry about being a single parent. I'll never have to worry about my child being in school with other kids that might bring guns. I'll never have to worry about teenage suicides and pregnancies. I'd rather not stress anymore then I have to.

"You'll never understand the happiness a child can bring."

You'll never understand the happiness not having a child can bring. I can stroll through the house naked if I want to. I can smoke in my own home. I can do whatever comes to mind that most people wouldn't do with children. I can plan a date night with my boyfriend, and not have to budget the extra money for a sitter. I can save all the money that they would cost me in 18+ years to have a relaxing and stress free retirement.

"You'll change your mind."

God. I love this line. How is it that you know so much more about me then I do? How do you know I'll change my mind? I'm 31 years old, I highly doubt that I will change my mind if I haven't already. I started this child free choice when I was 14. I think somewhere in the last 17 years, if I haven't changed my mind.. I'm not going to. I'm not going to change my mind about sushi, or spiders, or anything else I've made my mind up about.

"God wants us to populate the earth. It's his divine will."

God's divine will, right here - but I kind of agree with the birthin' babies part.

Seriously? What about my will? God, my mom, whoever - put me on this earth and left me with the responsibility to make my own life choices once I turned 18. God also didn't say "over populate the earth and fill these shitty looking homes with unwanted children, or third world countries without food and health care." We're populated. 7 billion people on earth and you're concerned that there aren't going to be enough people. With shows like 18 kids and Counting and Teen Mom 85, I think we've done our jobs a race to populate the earth. We're good.

"The joy of being pregnant is like no other."

OK, maybe you're right. Then again, gaining weight, being nauseous, uncontrollable bladder and bowel movements - these are things I don't want to experience. I've had friends that love being pregnant and friends that hated it. Each person is different and experiences it differently. It's not always glowing complexions and happiness for everyone. And don't sit there are try to tell me that I have no idea because I haven't experienced it personally, yet. I've watched all of my sisters go through this, the good and the bad. I understand perfectly the pros and cons.

I'm not saying being a parent is a shitty thing. I'm not bashing people's choice to have children. I'm just giving my opinion/reasons on why I don't want any of my own. I'm tired of trying to explain it to people, and I'm sure others out there are tired of it too. Not all people are meant to be parents, and I am one of them. So instead of taking it as a personal mission to persuade your childless friends and family to spawn, just acknowledge their decisions and move on with life. For you, children may be the world. For others, they may not be.

I shall leave you now with this adorable picture of a baby. Because babies are beautiful, as long as they belong to someone else.

Fuck pants.

OK so I've got 22 minutes to make a point here.

Ready...

Set...

Go!

Who the fuck goes shopping on Thanksgiving? I mean really? You're up at the ass crack of dawn making Turkey and spam loaf or whatever it is that you prefer, you decorate, set the table, bash the kids around, argue with relatives, pick your ass and then fall into a coma from to much turkey and egg nog. WHY ARE YOU OUT SHOPPING!?

Because you're lame. That's why. Spending the day with your family should be priority, but instead you're forcing others to be at work because you can't plan your shit right. Every year I get the same type of people. The ones that were surprised Thanksgiving snuck up on them. As if the damn thing didn't fall around the same time every year. When November hits, get your shit together people.

To the idiots that need to buy that one last roll of tin foil or a foil pan, fuck you. Seriously. Because you're usually the dumb ass that tells me "Oh you poor thing you. I can't believe you have to work on Thanksgiving. That's horrible. I wouldn't do it." Then get the hell out of my store. Jackass. I will leap over this counter with only a beautiful grace a fat person can manage and stab you in the eye.

And on another note, shame on you Kohl's and other various places that are opening up at 8pm to start the Black Friday shopping early. You bitches. Now my store has to compete and we're stuck there till 11 pm. Is shopping so important that you can't wait? I mean, isn't the point of Black Friday to get up at the ass crack of dawn, hung over from tryptophan, hair sticking out in 18 different directions with a scowl that would scare Medusa and bash the fuck out of each other in line for that one lame ass Elmo doll? Instead, we're setting new trends.

If one person says to me, "You should be thankful that you have a job," over this, I will personally make it a priority to shame the hell out of you. Then again, you're also right, but I don't want to hear that shit right now either.

Shout out to the ones that have no choice though. Military, Police, Health care workers. Your shit never stops.

Also, on a side note: Fuck pants.

That's it kiddies. Mama has to work. I did this in record time. Go me.

P.S. Seriously, fuck pants.

This. All this right here. Read this.

A friend told me that the most important step in this whole process is to explain a little bit about myself and why I'm writing this blog. My first thought is, who fucking cares? Seriously, who cares? You're sitting there, wondering when I'm going to get to something profound or funny, and instead you're reading this bullshit.

So I must warn you, in case you haven't figured it out already, I curse like a drunken sailor courting someone with Tourettes. (No offense to all you people out there with Tourettes Syndrome. I was told to say that too, in case someone got pissy.) Some of you might find me funny, most of you will find me offensive. Not a single gram of fuck shall be given though, so shut your flapper, be an adult and move on if you don't like it. Just because I swear, doesn't make me less intelligent than you.

To all you grammar Nazi's out there - You're gonna have a FIELD DAY with me. I excessively use the comma like it's going out of style, I LOVE run on sentences and unless I'm feeling up to using Google to properly spell a word, you're gonna read some whack shit. I also like to make words up.

You're probably wondering right about now if I'll ever get to the point. Maybe? I'm not sure. I guess I should talk about what I'll be doing with this blog. I'm a lazy poster, so don't expect me to be consistent. I'll try, but I can't promise anything.

I think the initial plan on this is to use it as a sort of journal. My version of therapy after a shitty day is, like most people's, to use someone else as the sound off board just to vent. My boyfriend gets tired of hearing my shit (surprise, surprise) so what better way then to try to connect with other's that can relate via the Internet?

So you'll hear a lot of complaining, (I am a woman, after all - you sexist bastards.) some advice, and a shit ton of ranting. All in all, if you can find the humor in what I'm trying to convey, I think it'll be a good blog for anyone. I try not to take life to seriously, and I think that a lot of people out there should do the same. My sarcasm and penchant for story telling (more like out of this world exaggerations) tend to make me seem a little.. funny? Or maybe it's annoying. Who cares?

Anywhore. Congrats on finding this blog. I hope you do stick it out though. I'll try really hard not to bring up anything about Religion or Politics as I am neither a religious person or a political one. I might step over the boundary on that on occasion. I'm a staunch supporter of human rights (Not gay rights, not heterosexual rights, but HUMAN rights. We're all human here, unless you're an octopus or a bear or something.) Let's see, is there anything or anyone else I can offend? Probably. All in due time, folks.

Let me leave you with a parting picture of something awesome.