Choosing the Child-Free life.

I actually wrote a different blog for this initially, but then I realized it didn't completely convey the message I was trying to bring across - which in itself isn't what I was supposed to write. Plus the cat and dog hit the kill switch to the computer and I had to start over.

So, lets get to something that might piss a lot of mommies (and daddies) off. The reasons why I don't and won't have kids, and why it's unfair to just birth the little minions for the sake of society and it's bullshit expectations.

I have chosen (and apparently my body has too,) to not have children. That doesn't mean that I don't like kids, or love kids. It just means I don't want any of my own. The choice is mine and mine alone. However, I consistently get asked:

"When are you going to start your family?"

"You're getting older, you should start thinking about kids."

Blah, blah, fucking blah. There are reasons that I don't have children. I am definitely not a good role model. I will not let my children back talk me or treat other's like shit without repercussions. I don't have time for them. I'm selfish. I can barely take care of myself. I have a life that I enjoy. I like to read. I love silence, it means that I can actually think. I like to travel. I don't want little replicas of me running around, I'm horrible enough.  My ovaries went on strike.

No, seriously. They really did. So it actually works out pretty well.

There are many pros and cons to having kids. People have told me, "You're going to regret not having children one day. It's such a blessing." So is getting up and taking a crap without little hands under the door and someone shouting, "MOMMY!" a million times a day. In all honesty, I'm not saying being a parent is shameful, or unfulfilling in any way. I get that having kids has it's good times. But to me the difficulties outweigh the benefits.

There's doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, kids get sick. They want things. Expensive things, and some of them they need. I just can not mentally, emotionally or physically keep up with the demands that children bring on people. I can not justify having children to appease societies demands. We're over populated as is, and most people do not parent properly. I see it every day in my job. Kids whining and having fits, throwing things, cursing at age 5. (I see you pointing fingers. I was a perfect angel of a child. I grew up in the 80's. My parents would have killed me if I acted like today's generation.)

I have nieces and nephews aplenty, and I love them dearly. They are beautiful, smart, well behaved children that I would give my life for if needed., but the best part is I can give them back and the responsibilities are off my shoulders. I can have my "mommy" fix, and my cake too. Call me selfish, I already did.

But what happens if I lose my job? If I can't support my kid? If I can't feed them or give them a roof over their heads? I could go on welfare, or I could give them up for adoption. But how many kids out there already don't have homes? How many people in this country are on welfare? As is, I already make below poverty level of income, so bringing another life into this world isn't exactly worth it to me. This world is pretty shitty as is.

Then there's work. Work is pretty demanding. It's practically a forced issue. Everyone works, unless you're a millionaire or lazy. You have to show up, you have to do your job. I can't imagine the amount of extra stress on top of what I already have. You have to find babysitters, you have to pay extra money for them, and depending on what you do or where you work, you either have to plan your job around your kids, or your kids around your job. Hell no. Which points me to the reason why I was asked to write this in the first place.

Parents who use their kids as a scapegoat/excuse.

Not everyone does it, let me be clear on that, but there are some that do. I feel as if those of us who choose to not have children are ostracized by our friends and family, people we don't know, and exploited because we don't have "families" of our own by our employers. Excuse me, but just because my family isn't in diapers or 4 feet tall, doesn't mean I don't have  a family. I have plenty of family, and I miss all sorts of things that go on because I have to put in extra effort at work to cover for those that have to take specific time off on a consistent basis.

This is the part where I will get crap. Let me explain what I mean above. Of course children come first before a job. If I had one (or 20), my employers could kiss the crack in my pants if they made me miss out on important milestones or things that are necessary. However, there are a few people out there that like to use their kids as an excuse for everything. EV-ER-Y-THING.

Getting every weekend off, when no one works a set schedule. (This would be my job, I'm speaking of. Most people have a set schedule.) Having every holiday off, just because you have kids. I had a co-worker that said, in my hearing to another:

"I think those that don't have kids, don't have families, should be forced to work on holidays. I mean, they have nothing better to do."

Whoa there. Slow your pony. I have better things to do then work. They just don't pay the bills. I have a life outside of my job. I have family. I have friends. Hell, I have a dog. These are all very important to me. I'd rather be with them, just like you. Unfortunately, they don't pay the rent or the grocery bill. No, just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that I should have to work every single holiday.

There's a woman I work with that whines because she doesn't get every weekend off with her kids. She'll come up with some stupid ass excuse each week to request time off. Which is hilarious because she's in the workplace every single day she's off. So the rest of us have to pick up her hours and work her scheduled days because she whines each time she doesn't get a day off with her kids. They're teenagers, by the way. They have better things to do then hang out with mommy all weekend. This is what I mean by people who use children as an excuse.

In this world, it's expected for women to want to have children and to have them. Those of us that don't fit the norm, have a heavy burden on our shoulders. I think being responsible and weighing the options before going out and creating a child is a mature and reasonable thing to do. Of course you're going to want to have the time and the money to raise a child, and as the adage goes, "if you wait to be rich enough to have children, you'll never have them." Then there's the 'finding the right partner' thing. What if the person you're with isn't ready? What if they're not mature enough? Responsible enough? What if they don't want kids?

Some of the things we, the child-free choice people hear, and the responses to those undying, burning questions:

"Who will take care of you when you're old?"

Now how selfish is that? To procreate for the sake of someone taking care of you when you're old and gray. Who says I won't be capable? I might not be, but there is a whole slew of people out there called health care workers, who's job it is to care for those as they get older. Children grow up, get educations, have jobs, families of their own if they chose, and for the most part some put their parents away in homes and rarely see them because they don't have time.

I once spent a Thanksgiving with a church group of mine at an old folks home. It was heartbreaking. There was this lovely older lady that was very sweet. At the time I didn't know that she had dementia or Alzheimer's. Whichever one, I can't recall correctly. Anyways. She sat at the window most of the evening watching the street. One of the caretakers came to collect her for bed, and the poor thing cried and cried and cried. Her son was coming, he was just late. He was coming back for her, because they were going shopping. I could hear her wailing the whole way to her room that she had to wait for him. Later, we were all told that her son had dropped her off years prior, and had never come back. She couldn't remember her name most days, but she always sat at the same window each night and did the same thing. She remembered her son telling her that he would come back for her, and never did.

How sad is that? What an ungrateful child. She brought him into this world, and he could not bother to even care what happened to her. Or that, through her hardships, she still remembered him. That was probably the starting seed that led me to being child free.

"What if you regret not having children?"

What if I regret that I do when the burden gets to be to much for me? There are lots of things I've regretted in my life, like never sneaking out that one night in high school to hang out and party. That concert that I never attended. Never finishing high school. Never taking that promotion. Things like that. But everything happens for a reason right? I'll never have to change a diaper. I'll never have to work three jobs like my mom did to make ends meet. I'll never have to worry about being a single parent. I'll never have to worry about my child being in school with other kids that might bring guns. I'll never have to worry about teenage suicides and pregnancies. I'd rather not stress anymore then I have to.

"You'll never understand the happiness a child can bring."

You'll never understand the happiness not having a child can bring. I can stroll through the house naked if I want to. I can smoke in my own home. I can do whatever comes to mind that most people wouldn't do with children. I can plan a date night with my boyfriend, and not have to budget the extra money for a sitter. I can save all the money that they would cost me in 18+ years to have a relaxing and stress free retirement.

"You'll change your mind."

God. I love this line. How is it that you know so much more about me then I do? How do you know I'll change my mind? I'm 31 years old, I highly doubt that I will change my mind if I haven't already. I started this child free choice when I was 14. I think somewhere in the last 17 years, if I haven't changed my mind.. I'm not going to. I'm not going to change my mind about sushi, or spiders, or anything else I've made my mind up about.

"God wants us to populate the earth. It's his divine will."

God's divine will, right here - but I kind of agree with the birthin' babies part.

Seriously? What about my will? God, my mom, whoever - put me on this earth and left me with the responsibility to make my own life choices once I turned 18. God also didn't say "over populate the earth and fill these shitty looking homes with unwanted children, or third world countries without food and health care." We're populated. 7 billion people on earth and you're concerned that there aren't going to be enough people. With shows like 18 kids and Counting and Teen Mom 85, I think we've done our jobs a race to populate the earth. We're good.

"The joy of being pregnant is like no other."

OK, maybe you're right. Then again, gaining weight, being nauseous, uncontrollable bladder and bowel movements - these are things I don't want to experience. I've had friends that love being pregnant and friends that hated it. Each person is different and experiences it differently. It's not always glowing complexions and happiness for everyone. And don't sit there are try to tell me that I have no idea because I haven't experienced it personally, yet. I've watched all of my sisters go through this, the good and the bad. I understand perfectly the pros and cons.

I'm not saying being a parent is a shitty thing. I'm not bashing people's choice to have children. I'm just giving my opinion/reasons on why I don't want any of my own. I'm tired of trying to explain it to people, and I'm sure others out there are tired of it too. Not all people are meant to be parents, and I am one of them. So instead of taking it as a personal mission to persuade your childless friends and family to spawn, just acknowledge their decisions and move on with life. For you, children may be the world. For others, they may not be.

I shall leave you now with this adorable picture of a baby. Because babies are beautiful, as long as they belong to someone else.