When Yoga Pants Happen To Big People ( and other things too.)

OK, the only thing separating yoga pants from spandex is that they're not as form fitting in some spots, and by that I mean your cankles aren't showing. Seriously, big people - why do you think this is appropriate?! Don't get offended, I'm a "big person" too. There is no way on God's green earth that I would squeeze my ass into a second skin.

Look, dimples are cute and all, but not on your ass. Not when there are as many dimples on your butt as there are stars in the sky. Go on, be big. Be beautiful, be happy, be whatever you wanna be - but leave something to the imagination. Confidence, as they say, is your best accessory. Which is true, especially for girls or guys considered plus sized. We need that confidence to compete with people who are beautiful by society's comparisons. Which, by the way society - fuck you. I'm beautiful, awesome, smart and a big girl. So fuck your rules and size double 0 supermodels.

However, my confidence isn't so massive that I think I can do things I know I can't and most importantly - shouldn't. I can not justify myself fitting into shit 2 sizes to small, then thinking my muffin top/dimple bottom is hot shit. When someone can't tell if I've got a wedgie or I'm not wearing underwear, there's a problem.

This chick, shopping with her boyfriend tonight. Dear Lord. I wanted to suggest a skirt to go with her leggings when I realized they were NOT leggings at all but pants. Tight ass yoga pants. For that matter, what the hell is the difference between yoga pants and leggings?! At this rate, they're the same because no one knows how to wear them.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep the yoga pants for the gym and the leggings under clothes that hide your camel toe and underwear. If a fart has to travel in a bubble, looking like a gerbil scurrying down your leg before being released, your pants are to damn tight. Skip the spandex. I know the 80's are back in style, but some things should be left in the closet and if you're big, dress appropriately.

For the love of God, think of the children.

All in all, yoga pants are not something anyone should be wearing out in public unless you're in the gym. When a dude can see your goodies from 2 blocks away - you're kinda giving yourself away at that point. If I can see your uterus, there is a problem.

Excuse me Miss, I think your butthole is showing.

You will be objectified, you've exploited yourself. So you can't be going and getting all bent out of shape because someone notices or makes a comment. It's not just yoga pants either.

This goes for you as well, big people.

Girls with a little extra cushion in the middle - skip the belly shirts. Unless you're pregnant or Buddha, no one really wants to see that. I'm not trying to offend anyone out there, I'm trying to give you a heads up. Use a mirror. Check yourself out. Imagine that you're going to an interview, or your grandmother's house. Would you really dress like that?

Stop this shit right now. 

Also, skinny people. Stop saying you're fat. If you're smaller then a size 14 - fuck your fat bullshit. Don't be wandering around telling people you're fat. You're either fishing for compliments or you're seriously whacked out in the head. I hate that shit. Grabbing what little bit of belly you have when you sit down, and wiggling it like I'm supposed to agree will get you slapped upside your dumb ass dome. I refuse to acknowledge that you're fat. You're supposed to have fat on your body. IT'S NATURAL. You're not supposed to look like a twig. Nobody wants to fuck a bag of bones. Eat a sandwich.

Unless you're one of those high metabolism type people and can't help it, I don't want to hear you wailing about how fat you are when I'm busting my ass to lose weight. It's discouraging to anyone trying to get into shape, because now we think we'll never be good enough no matter what we do.


Rant. End.